Today, more than ever before, we face an almost constant bombardment of images, messages and ideals, from the websites we visit, the adverts we see, products we buy and magazines that we read. The representation of the human form delivered to us by these sources has a huge effect on the way we percieve our bodies and our appearances, and when a homogenous vision of the 'ideal' form is presented to us hundreds, even thousands of times a day, it can be very damaging to our body confidence if the way we look differs from this very narrow conception of beauty.
Of course, this phenomenon is a widely acknowledged one and most of us are now well versed in the language of body dismophia, fear and even hatred. It seems now to be a weekly occurance that some brand or other is pulled up by the advertising standards agency for using misleading images, or even by individuals petitioning their favourite magazine or company to represent them - their customer - by celebrating diversity and diverse beauty. Of course, identifying and understanding those instances of media that could be damaging is part of the path toward a brighter, healthier, more diverse future, but it is also hugely important to recognise those who have already followed that path and are pioneering a new way, a better way of communicating what it means to be human.
The inaugural Body Confidence Awards aims to do just that, highlighting the efforts of industry and community thought leaders who are re-writing the rule book on how to communicate in a responsible, considerate way that promotes healthy body and beauty ideals. As All Walks Co-Founder Caryn Franklin remarked to attendees of the ceremony, people in the fashion industry - and in the creative industries generally - genuinely want to promote and celebrate health, happiness and beauty, both inside and out. These awards are an opportunity to show them how it's done, to offer a guide to best practice and to assure them that their efforts will be received joyfully by both their industry colleagues and their customers.
There is another way, a better way, and this is how it's done:
ADVERTISING AWARD
| WINNER | Dove "Growing Up" TV Advert
| THEY SAY |
In 2010, Dove commissioned its biggest global study ever “The Real Truth about Beauty Revisited”. This study revealed some shocking statistics:
• 53% of girls in the UK have avoided certain activities because they feel bad about their looks.
• 22% didn’t go to the beach or pool.
• More than 1 in 5 girls in the UK avoided physical activity or exercise because they feel bad about how they look. Almost the same number avoided shopping.
• 16% didn’t offer an opinion.
• 1 in 10 didn’t go to the doctor.
• Nearly 1 in 5 didn’t go on a date.
To support the brand’s Social Mission, Dove will continue to equip girls with self-esteem education through workshops and the online tools that are available. Dove has reached over 800,000 young people in the UK so far and aims to reach 1 million by the end of 2012 with your help.
Dove will invest a minimum of £250,000 in the provision of self-esteem education in the UK in 2012. If more than 20 million packs are sold, Dove will contribute an additional £10,000 for every 1 million extra units sold in the UK from 26th March 2012 to 15th May 2012.
The self esteem education will be delivered via a 1 hour workshop in schools in partnership with Beat, who will facilitate their delivery, and teachers can apply for teacher training and/or self esteem workshops via the Dove website.
| NOMINEES |
'The Woman' Breast Cancer Care
'100 Days of Summer', New Look
'Fotoshop by Adobe', Jesse Rosten
BEAUTY AWARD
| WINNER | Boots No7 ‘Ta Dah’ Range
For their decision to eschew retouching and for celebrating the idea of real beauty.
| THEY SAY |
"No7 has always been a brand committed to making all British women look and feel beautiful. This dedication requires a deep understanding of British women, their thoughts and feelings towards beauty.
What we want to show with the 'Ta-Dah' campaign is a moment in time that all women have, when they know they look and, perhaps more importantly, feel their absolute best."
- Amanda Walker, head of No7
| NOMINEES |
Illamasqua
Look Good... Feel Better
MAC Cosmetics
BROADCAST / PRINT / PUBLISHING AWARD
| WINNER | Caitlin Moran for her book ‘How to be a Woman’
Caitlin Moran accepts the Publishing Award for her book 'How to be a Woman'
at the inaugural Body Confidence Awards, April 2012 (Image, Annabel Staff)
Best selling book that combines contemporary feminist observations about bodies, beauty and what it is to be a woman in an appearance oriented society with page turning humour.
| NOMINEES |
Beautiful Magazine
Gok's Teens, The Naked Truth
Guardian Weekend, Fashion For All Ages
CAMPAIGNER AWARD
| WINNER | Changing Faces
Changing Faces' Alison Rich accepts the award (Image, Annabel Staff)
For their fight to change public attitudes towards people with disfigurements and their ongoing support for those with disfigurements and their families.
| THEY SAY |
Changing Lives
We aim to help individuals lead full and satisfying lives. We give practical and emotional support to adults, children and their families. We also provide training, support and advice to professionals in health and education. Find out more about our services for adults and families.
Changing Minds
We aim to transform public attitudes towards people with disfiguring conditions. We promote fair treatment and equal opportunities for all, irrespective of their appearance. We campaign for social change: advocating for more integrated health services; influencing schools and workplaces to create more inclusive environments; and lobbying for anti-discrimination protection and enforcement.
| NOMINEES |
Body Gossip Campaign
Katie Piper Foundation
Miss Representation Campaign
CENTRAL YMCA HEALTH SPORT AND FITNESS AWARD
| WINNER | Virgin Active’s Oomph Campaign
For showing a range of shapes, ages, sizes and ethnicities in their campaign, and for promoting the more intrinsic benefits of being physically active.
| THEY SAY |
"We are thrilled that Virgin Active's Oomph campaign has been recognised by these awards. One of our core beliefs is that the health club industry should be inclusive no matter what gender, age or level of fitness. We pride ourselves on offering something for everyone at the clubs and outside at events such as the Virgin Active London Triathlon."
- Steve Dick, Sales and Marketing Director at Virgin Active
| NOMINEES |
Curves
Dance UK
EDUCATION AWARD
| WINNER | ‘Body Image in the Primary School’ by Nicky Hutchinson and Chris Calland
For recognising that there was no material for teachers to use in the classroom to confront body image issues, and for writing an invaluable book allowing schools to deliver high-quality lessons on this topic.
| THEY SAY |
"Children face exposure to the media on a far greater scale than ever before. They watch up to 40,000 adverts every year. Although there are initiatives to address body image with adolescents, we were aware that there was very little available to support younger children. Primary schools have a critical role in helping them develop a healthy body image through positive intervention."
- Nicky Hutchinson
"When we watch television or look at magazines with our children we should encourage them to question the images they see. We should reassure our children about their appearance and talk positively about them. It's important not to make negative comments about their weight or over-emphasise the importance of looks. We shouldn't make negative comments about other people's physical appearance or complain about 'fat' or 'ugly' parts of our body in their hearing."
- Chris Calland
| NOMINEES |
Body Gossip
Girl Guiding UK
ALL WALKS BEYOND THE CATWALK FASHION VISIONARY AWARD
| WINNER | Mark Fast, Designer
For using models varying in size, shape and ethnicity in his catwalk shows at London Fashion Week since September 2009.
Mark Fast accepts his award from All Walks' co-founder Caryn Franklin (Image by Annabel Staff)
| THEY SAY |
"I'd like to thank the Body Confidence Awards for acknowledging me. As a designer I care about the women that wear my clothes, and big thanks to All Walks Beyond the Catwalk for their encouragement. It is very important to deliver the technical aspects - a 'look' and a quality of make - but I also want to make each wearer of my clothes feel empowered and affirmed. I want to celebrate women and make them feel good in my clothes."
- Mark Fast, fashion designer
| NOMINEES |
Vivienne Westwood
Giles Deacon
MUMSNET AWARD FOR PROMOTING BODY CONFIDENCE IN CHILDREN Voted for by Mumsnet members
| WINNER | Pink Stinks
| THEY SAY |
"Pinkstinks is a campaign that targets the products, media and marketing that prescribe heavily stereotyped and limiting roles to young girls. We believe that all children – girls and boys - are affected by the ‘pinkification’ of girlhood. Our aim is to challenge and reverse this growing trend. We also promote media literacy, self-esteem, positive body image and female role models for kids."
| NOMINEES |
Cerrie Burnell, CBEEBIES Presenter
Eleanor Simmonds, Swimmer
Gok Wan
RETAIL AWARD
| WINNER | Debenhams
For their ongoing Inclusivity Campaign showcasing imagery that is inspirational and realistic by using models who are older, curvier and, in Shannon Murray's case, visibly disabled to inspire modern day British women.
| THEY SAY |
“We cater for women of all shapes and sizes, young and old, non-disabled and disabled so we wanted our windows to reflect this choice."
- Michael Sharp, Debenhams’ Deputy Chief Executive
| NOMINEES |
ASOS Curve
La Redoute 'En Plus'
Vivienne of Holloway
CELEBRITY AMBASSADOR OF THE YEAR AWARDDecided by public vote
| WINNER | Davina McCall
***
Charlotte Gush is a freelance fashion writer, blogger and editor, as well as the Online Commissioning Editor for All Walks.
She has previously spent 6 months working for All Walks at the London office as a social media, marketing and production intern.
Charlotte writes a fashion, street style and personal style blog, CAVACOMA.com, with a dedicated Facebook fanpage here, and a Twitter account @CavaCharlotte
The award winners of the first ever Body Confidence Awards presented in association with bareMinerals were announced yesterday evening at the Houses of Parliament.
The event was an electric celebration of the winners’ inspirational and deserving efforts to promote body confidence, diversity and the acceptance of broader beauty ideals.
All who were there agreed it was a game changing event. By turning the spotlight on those clever enough to weave conscious thought into the business of making money by considering self-esteem, the organisers aimed to shine a light on the way forward.
Minister for Equality Lynne Featherstone said:
“Whether it’s a perfectly toned ‘six pack’ or a painfully thin ‘size zero’, men and women are bombarded everyday by airbrushed body images which bear little or no resemblance to reality. These images can cause real damage to self-esteem.”
“The government has set up a national body confidence campaign and is working closely with the media and other industries to reverse this trend and promote more honest and diverse depictions of men and women.
“The All Party Parliamentary Group is carrying out some great complementary work in this field. These awards demonstrate real support across industry to tackle the issue head on.”
THE WINNERS ARE:
Advertising
‘Growing up’ by Dove – for communicating the 2012 Dove campaign whereby Dove brings self-esteem education to girls in the UK.
Beauty
Boots No7 ‘Ta Dah’ range – for their decision to eschew retouching and for celebrating the idea of real women
Broadcast/Print/Publishing
Caitlin Moran for ‘How to be a Woman’ – best seller book that combines contemporary feminist observations about bodies, beauty and what it is to be a woman in an appearance oriented society with page turning humour.
Campaigner
Changing Faces – for their fight to change public attitudes towards people with disfigurements and their ongoing support for those with disfigurements and their families
Central YMCA Health, Sport and Fitness Award
Virgin Active’s Oomph campaign – for using a range of shapes, ages, sizes and ethnic diversity and pushing the more intrinsic benefits of being physically active
Education
‘Body Image in the Primary School’ by Nicky Hutchinson and Chris Calland – for their realising there was nothing for teachers to use in the classroom to confront body image issues and writing an invaluable book for schools to deliver high quality lessons
All Walks Beyond the Catwalk Fashion Award
Mark Fast – for introducing the mix of realistically proportioned models within his catwalk shows at London Fashion Week since September 2009
Retail
Debenhams – Debenhams – for their ongoing Inclusivity Campaign showcasing imagery that is inspirational and realistic by using models who are older, curvier and in Shannon Murray's case – visually disabled to inspire modern day women. modern day British women .
Mumsnet Award for promoting body confidence in children
Pink Stinks – decided by the votes of Mumsnet members
Celebrity Ambassador of the Year Award
Davina McCall – decided by public votes
ENDS
Notes to editors
1. A judging panel made up of representatives from B-eat, the Centre for Appearance Research, All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, AnyBody, Stephanie Heart Enterprises, Mumsnet, and the Central YMCA along with Jo Swinson MP chose shortlists and winners.
2. The Campaign for Body Confidence brings together a range of organisations including: B-Eat, All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, Mumsnet, Central YMCA , Anybody, Stephanie Heart Enterprise and the Centre for Appearance Research.
3. Award-winning fashion initiative All Walks Beyond the Catwalk promotes a broader range of body and beauty ideals in collaboration with designers, professional models and education professionals. The All Walks nationwide lectures and Centre of Diversity in Edinburgh explore emotionally considerate design for all.
4. AnyBody is a non-profit organisation encouraging a change in cultural attitudes towards bodies, food and eating so that women and children of the next generation can learn to be happy in and look after their bodies.
5. B-eat is a leading UK charity for people with eating disorders and their families.
6. The Centre for Appearance Research is an academic research centre at the University of West England which focuses on appearance-related concerns.
7. Central YMCA is a health and education charity which works nationally with young people and in the health and fitness sector, through the development of training, qualifications and the provision of activity often to those who are socially excluded or disadvantaged. The charity is actively campaigning on body confidence issues.
8. Mumsnet is now the UK’s busiest social network for parents, generating over 38 million page views per month and nearly 5 million visits per month.
9. Stephanie Heart of SH Enterprises inspires and challenges young women through interactive seminars
10. All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image
This cross-party forum brings together MPs who are interested in what can be done to promote more positive body image, particularly for children and young people. The group is currently conducting a Parliamentary Inquiry into the causes and consequences of body image anxiety in UK society. The office bearers are Jo Swinson MP (Lib Dem), Mary Glindon MP (Labour), Caroline Nokes MP (Conservative) and Stephen Williams MP (Lib Dem).The Central YMCA provides the secretariat to this group. The APPG will be publishing a report of its findings in June www.ymca.co.uk/bodyconfidence/parliament
11. In their most recent campaign “Force of Beauty”, bareMinerals decided to eschew models that represented the elusive notion of beauty, and instead held a blind casting call for women ages 20 to 60. They did not see the women who applied until they were selected for the campaign. Instead, they asked more than 270 women to complete a questionnaire about who they were and what they were like. The company was looking for women who embodied qualities like inspiration, humility and humour. The goal was to capture women who had compelling and interesting stories to tell. With the exception of basic colour correction, the company took pains not to retouch or airbrush photographs of the women, leaving in everything that they came with on their face. They are firm believers that they have a responsibility as a beauty company to start changing the images that women see.
We are delighted to announce, alongside the other members of the All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image, that the inaugural Body Confidence Awards will take place this Thursday, 19th April 2012, at the House of Commons.
The awards will recognise and celebrate the efforts and achievements of those who promote body confidence within various industries. A judging panel made up of representatives from B-eat, the Centre for Appearance Research, All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, AnyBody, Stephanie Heart Enterprises, Mumsnet, and the Central YMCA along with Jo Swinson MP sifted through countless nominations to come up with the shortlists.
The nominees were chosen for a number of reasons including aspirational diversity in size, age and skin tone; responsible use of body imagery and the consideration of diverse body sizes, shapes and beauty; promotion of active and healthy lifestyles and less sexualised imagery.
Commenting, Jo Swinson MP for East Dunbartonshire said:
“With these awards we want to publicly recognise positive steps taken by industry groups, businesses and campaigners. In highlighting their leading work and body confidence initiatives hopefully they will inspire others to follow in their footsteps.”
Susie Orbach from AnyBody said:
“It influences us all and affects the well-being of young women and men so it is important to acknowledge examples which promote body confidence and counteract the damage. Advertisers and marketers can be so imaginative. These are examples of the direction to aim in.”
All Walks' Co-Founder and Fashion Commentator Caryn Franklin said:
“Fashion design can be a huge force for good when individuality and diversity are celebrated. At All Walks, we love fashion for all ages, sizes and skin tones.”
Commenting on his nomination, fashion designer Giles Deacon said:
“I am thrilled to be nominated for a Body Confidence award. Since launching my eponymous label in 2003 I have worked with a wide range of ages and body types and a particular highlight for me was working with Verushka who modelled in my in Spring Summer 2011 collection closing the runway show age 73. I like to work with this wide range of women as body confidence and character pervade.”
Commenting on his nomination, fashion designer Mark Fast said:
“Over the years I have been privileged to work with some of the most beautiful and shapely women in the world and it is true to say that even the most beautiful (by any standards) have moments of doubt and insecurities. I want to celebrate women and make them feel good in my clothes.”
Embargo: 00:00, 17 April 2012Contact: Corrine Leon 020 7219 8088In a looks-obsessed society where 47% of girls think the pressure to look attractive is the most negative part of being female[i] and 38% of men would sacrifice at least a year of their life in exchange for a perfect body.[iii]It is time to recognise the power of media, individuals and corporations to promote better body confidence for all. The APPG on Body Image is delighted to announce the UK’s first Body Confidence Awards presented in association with bareMinerals. Mounted by the APPG and with the support of the Campaign for Body Confidence founded in 2009, the ceremony will be held on 19 April 2012 at 7:30 PM at the House of Commons. The Awards will recognise and celebrate the achievements and best practice of those who promote body confidence within various industries.A judging panel made up of representatives from B-eat, the Centre for Appearance Research, All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, AnyBody, Stephanie Heart Enterprises, Mumsnet, and the Central YMCA along with Jo Swinson MP sifted through countless nominations to come up with the shortlists.The nominees were chosen for a number of reasons including aspirational diversity in size, age and skin tone; responsible use of body imagery and the consideration of diverse body sizes, shapes and beauty; promotion of active and healthy lifestyles and less sexualised imagery.Commenting on his nomination fashion designer Giles Deacon said:
“I am thrilled to be nominated for a Body Confidence award. Since launching my eponymous label in 2003 I have worked with a wide range of ages and body types and a particular highlight for me was working with Verushka who modelled in my in Spring Summer 2011 collection closing the runway show age 73. I like to work with this wide range of women as body confidence and character pervade.”Commenting on his nomination fashion designer Mark Fast said:
“Over the years I have been privileged to work with some of the most beautiful and shapely women in the world and it is true to say that even the most beautiful (by any standards) have moments of doubt and insecurities. I want to celebrate women and make them feel good in my clothes”.Commenting Susie Orbach from AnyBody said:
“It influences us all and affects the well-being of young women and men so it is important to acknowledge examples which promote body confidence and counteract the damage. Advertisers and marketers can be so imaginative. These are examples of the direction to aim in.”Commenting Jo Swinson MP for East Dunbartonshire said:
“With these awards we want to publicly recognise positive steps taken by industry groups, businesses and campaigners. In highlighting their leading work and body confidence initiatives hopefully they will inspire others to follow in their footsteps.”Commenting Caryn Franklin Fashion Commentator and Co-Founder of All Walks Beyond the Catwalk said:"Fashion design can be a huge force for good when individuality and diversity are celebrated. At All Walks, we love fashion for all ages, sizes and skin tones."The nominees are:Advertising‘The Woman’ by Breast Cancer Care; ‘Growing up’ by Dove;‘100 Days of Summer’ by New Look; ‘Fotoshop by Adobé’ by Jesse RostenBeautyBoots No7 ‘Ta Dah’ range; Illamasqua;Look Good... Feel Better; MACBroadcast/Print/PublishingBeautiful Magazine; Caitlin Moran for How to be a Woman; Gok’s Teens: The Naked Truth;Guardian Weekend Magazine: Fashion for all agesCampaignerBody Gossip; Changing Faces;Katie Piper; Miss RepresentationCentral YMCA Health, Sport and Fitness AwardCurves; Dance UK’s Healthier Dancer Programme; Virgin Active’s Ooomph campaignEducationBody Gossip’s ‘Gossip School’ education programme; Body Image in the Primary School by Nicky Hutchinson and Chris Calland; Girlguiding UK’s Peer education initiativeAll Walks Beyond the Catwalk Fashion AwardGiles Deacon; Mark Fast;Vivienne WestwoodMumsnet Award for promoting body confidence in childrenCerrie Burnell from CBeebies; Ellie Simmonds; Pink Stinks; Gok WanRetailASOS Curve; Debenhams; La Redoute; Vivien of HollowayCelebrity Ambassador of the Year AwardDecided by public votes. To be announced at the ceremony
- - - ENDS - - -
Notes to editorsInterviews with the following campaign members by request or through individual organisations. See links below:
Award-winning fashion initiative All Walks Beyond the Catwalk promotes a broader range of body and beauty ideals in collaboration with designers, professional models and education professionals. The All Walks nationwide lectures and Centre of Diversity in Edinburgh explore emotionally considerate design for all.
AnyBody is a non-profit organisation encouraging a change in cultural attitudes towards bodies, food and eating so that women and children of the next generation can learn to be happy in and look after their bodies.
B-eat is a leading UK charity for people with eating disorders and their families.
The Centre for Appearance Research is an academic research centre at the University of West England which focuses on appearance-related concerns.
Central YMCA is a health charity using advocacy and education to change attitudes toward health, including body image.
Mumsnet is now the UK’s busiest social network for parents, generating over 38 million page views per month and nearly 5 million visits per month.
Stephanie Heart of SH Enterprises inspires and challenges young women through interactive seminars
All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image
This cross-party forum brings together MPs who are interested in what can be done to promote more positive body image, particularly for children and young people. The group is currently conducting a Parliamentary Inquiry into the causes and consequences of body image anxiety in UK society. The office bearers are Jo Swinson MP (Lib Dem), Mary Glindon MP (Labour), Caroline Nokes MP (Conservative) and Stephen Williams MP (Lib Dem).The Central YMCA provides the secretariat to this group. The APPG will be publishing a report of its findings in June www.ymca.co.uk/bodyconfidence/parliament
In their most recent campaign “Force of Beauty”, bareMinerals decided to eschew models that represented the elusive notion of beauty, and instead held a blind casting call for women ages 20 to 60. They did not see the women who applied until they were selected for the campaign. Instead, they asked more than 270 women to complete a questionnaire about who they were and what they were like. The company was looking for women who embodied qualities like inspiration, humility and humour. The goal was to capture women who had compelling and interesting stories to tell. With the exception of basic colour correction, the company took pains not to retouch or airbrush photographs of the women, leaving in everything that they came with on their face. They are firm believers that they have a responsibility as a beauty company to start changing the images that women see.
Photo credit: Kirsten McLennan wears Alice Temperley for All Walks Beyond the Catwalk shot by Rankin Caption: All Walks Beyond the Catwalk promote broader body and beauty ideals in their campaigns.
i[i] Girlguiding UK Girls Attitude Survey 2010[ii]According to research commissioned by Central YMCA and the Succeed Foundation
This Fridays Blog has a Diffrent Mix,
as it will not consist of One long Blog Like our usual format.
As the Blog today has many flavors with diffrent contributors which we love a good mix at 'All Walks'.
However we will spread the pieces throughout the day today...
From the essay Piece ' One Body, two minds... one struggle to be free.
which is a anonymous piece Sent into 'All Walks'
on one young persons struggle with Anorexia and overcoming it each day Quite a inspirational piece.
Also Co founder Debra Bourne was at the Frieze Art Fair this week to follow later.
though more to come later on today so keep posted guys
M.W
One body, two minds...one struggle to be free.
“Everyone deserves to be happy”, the words I repeated daily to give myself that extra push I needed to allow today to be different, to be better than the one before, yet why was it so hard to believe it, or allow it to be true. The fight to be myself, get back to who I used to be before this thing took over my mind and body was becoming a larger battle as time went on. No matter how many methods I tried it felt like this was going to be it for me. Would I be stuck with such a horrible thing for the rest of my life, or was I going to believe I could overcome it, push myself no matter how difficult it felt and be a survivor, never letting it end with me giving in.
The day it began is not clear, for as long as I can remember my strive to be perfect never let it be okay to come second, to not win or get the highest, a seed to be the best at everything was planted in my head, and each day only grew more and more, life was becoming a competition itself and unfortunately I wasn’t allowed to sit this one out. A troubled childhood was not a problem for me, growing up I was given opportunities to do so many things, freedom of mind and the want to do my own thing was granted, my parents loved me and wanted only the best, so an underlying cause here was not the issue, something which I had to explain to a tearful and heartbroken mother in years to come. They were not to blame and nor where my two sisters. The middle child I was shielded, my eldest sister made the mistakes which I learned from and my younger was too care free to care. Like me, they were happy, and popular, yet although I had friends, looking back now, it’s almost as if I was holding back, putting up a barrier and shielding myself, too scared to let go in the fear of being hurt, embarrassed or let down.
After realisation now, I don’t think I ever let myself truly relax and to take things with a pinch of salt. I did have fun, but from too early on I took life too seriously, from silly exams I thought I had to get the highest in to being the best at school sports, or producing the best painting I could, things that reaped enjoyment for other children but which only seemed another chore for me. I was never one to confide in others when I was struggling or ask for their help, I should be able to cope alone, others do, don’t they? I loved being a shoulder to cry on for friends, giving loving advice and making them smile but for me, revealing my troubles was a sign of weakness, asking for help was admitting something was wrong and for once not everything was perfect.
Learning to keep things a secret was a trait that sadly only made me capable of hiding this thing inside me. Calling it another person I cannot, because to me no other human being should make you feel so much hatred against yourself or cause as much pain and tears as this has. No one person would make you find things to change every time you looked in the mirror, so much so that you no longer want to look like yourself, the wish to be a different person was mine, and every day I woke just waiting for it to be granted.
A move to a new city for university was an exciting, hopeful yet scary thing, I was leaving friends and family behind to follow my dream of being in the fashion industry full of glamour, fun and beauty and was taking a step to closer to making it a reality. Making friends in a new city and learning to live on my own was something I was excited about, but that my parents were secretly scared of. On my own, away from the watchful eyes of those around me I could take control. Trying to be the best at school seemed like a small hill in comparison to this large mountain I saw myself standing at the bottom of. For now I was in a new course surrounded by students who were just a as good if not better, in a city full of girls richer, prettier and somewhat happier, and as my instinct to strive to be the best kicked in, my freedom and happy nature deteriorated. For it was here that my battle truly began.
The happy spirit inside me who flourished to be creative with the imagination for so many possibilities, the girl who loved to meet new people and be sociable, to laugh with her girlfriends at the antics of the night before was what I left home with, but when I returned a year later, it was a struggle to find. As I discovered myself living on my own away from the family who loved me for me, I found myself battling to fight off the other voice in my head. Here, I was unshielded, an easier target and as each day went on, my power over my mind and body weakened and I began to fear how it would take over.
My first year at university was not what I had expected and unfortunately I had to deal with things that not many others would, the death of one of my close friends who I had come to live with for the first months of university was one, and which affected me in more ways than imagined. Her life was taken away so suddenly, and at the age of only 20 she passed away in her sleep leaving me and my flatmates wondering if there was something we could have done to prevent it. Left waiting for the cause of her death, by the time of her funeral we had come to accept that there was nothing we could have done, it was out of our control. To know that a life so special and precious can end so suddenly and seeing the upset it caused her loved ones made me think twice about carrying on letting meaningless things upset me and feel like they are the end of the world. This time though, it wasn’t just me, the voice in my head would not let me move on without it, and as much as I wanted to be happy and care free, I couldn’t. Left feeling weak for not being strong enough to do my own thing, but filled with guilt, disgust and hatred when I did, either way I could not win, a girl so used to not giving up and being the best was finding herself losing at everything she done.
Having never lost a friend before , after Ellen’s * death I wondered when it would be okay to laugh or smile again, or wonder if allowing myself to be happy meant that I had forgotten her. Waking up wondering whether today would be a good day or bad one was the norm. I struggled to act normal, and as my trips home revealed, struggled to look normal too. My family were left distraught and parents felt frustrated each time I returned home looking less and less like their daughter. They couldn’t understand what was going and as much I knew something wasn’t right, I didn’t want to admit it either, maybe it was the common thing for some girls to be like this, or so the voice in my head would have me believe. As I lied to my family, I was almost convincing myself of the lies. My weight loss was down to the gym I told them, when truth be told I had never set foot in the university gym as of yet. Getting away with the lies made it easier to carry on, but each time I flew back to Newcastle, my parents were left in fear and panic wondering whether the hug they just gave me would be a smaller grip next time round.
Hearing whispering remarks about how thin id got, hurtful comments such as she’s anorexic from family members, and with such words as skinny to be described as from class members was this really all that people seen me as, had the voice inside my head won her thinspiration battle and finally made me no more than a weight issue. People no longer seen the happy girl I was in photos or bubbly person that they had grown to know and love. Now was a girl to ashamed to look at herself in the mirror. Even at times when deep down knew she had gotten to thin didn’t know when enough was enough. After tearful phone calls from my sister, heartbreaking truths from my mum, and fall outs with my dad I couldn’t let it go on. I wanted to ask for help for so long, hinting to receive it, lying awake at night not able to sleep and in tears wondering when I would pick up the courage to ask for it. But in those times, even when I wanted to there was always that other side thinking I was being silly, that I didn’t have a problem and that the way I was living my life was okay. That was the part I had needed to fight off, that was the battle I had grown to live with for so long.
. As I grew closer to the end of my first year at university I found myself pushing away the friends I had made. I feared returning to second year with the feeling like I was no fun, boring, that the other voice in my life had taken away my spirit and left a shallow emptiness behind. My battle to eat little left my mind taken over my thoughts of food, the challenge at how I could carry on at this low weight, the worry that enjoying in that little treat would suddenly change my appearance and strike panic next time I stepped on the scales. It was destroying me and my ability to enjoy life and as days went by, I was losing hope. I was shutting myself off, avoiding situations where food was involved, missing out on meals with friends and feeling too horrible in my appearance to enjoy nights out, and as badly as I wanted to, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t understand why they would want to be around me, why they carried on being my friends but as I came to realise it was because they were just that, my friends.
It was them who could see that I was struggling, that it wasn’t just me behaving in this way, that something else or someone else had power over my mind. And I am so grateful for this. For so long now that was all I had wished for, for someone to realise that it wasn’t just me, and I was fighting everyday with a voice more powerful than my own. It took just that one night that my friend reached out to make me have hope and change everything. Her noticing something was wrong and offering her help made me no longer feel I was doing it alone. That night changed everything. Waking up the next day, I had more hope than I had ever had before. Without openly admitting I had a problem, life had changed and for the first time in ages was looking optimistic.
From then on I made the decision to get professional help and started seeing a counsellor, being diagnosed as anorexia made me realise I did have a problem and that like many others who have moved on from it, I can beat it. I could have easily backed down and at times I wanted to, it seemed almost easier that way than having to constantly open up but my friends would not allow me, they drove me to keep going as things can only get better, it takes going through the bad things to appreciate the good things in life. I opened up to my family and from then on we have only gotten closer. I am not only getting better for myself, but for them too as I know I cannot cause them anymore hurt, enough is enough. The next time I returned home, my mum was filled with emotion, but this time it was the right one as a glimmer of hope replaced the previous worry.
As much as I would like to say it’s an easy journey and I can see the final hurdle, I can’t because there is days that I wake feeling rubbish and think that I’ll never get over it and my battle with anorexia will stay with me. I know that there is no miracle cure but with the love and support of my friends and family, I am fighting it, and cannot wait for the day where I can fully enjoy food. It may have had the power to take over my mind before but as each good day goes by I can feel it getting weaker. My strive to succeed and be the best is not going to work against me here, because this is one heart wrenching battle that I’m not going to lose. People say the power of the mind is an amazing thing, and I believe this is true, so with optimism, I can only look forward to the day when it is gone, a dream that is finally becoming a reality.
by anonymous supporter of All Walks Beyond the Catwalk.
for more information on eating disorders
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